Failure. Any person with success under their belt has had their fair share of it. Those with the most success have more than likely experienced a lot of it. What leads to failure, and what can we learn from others who have failed? That is the point of this post. Over 3 1/2 years ago I was silent blogging (basically writing my thoughts down in a journal). I had stepped down from ministry and was doing a lot of reflecting. This post comes from what I wrote then. I took the word 'failure' and made it an acronym, writing a word for each letter that defined issues I had faced. I want to share them with you today. If you are experiencing any of these, it does NOT mean you are a failure, but just one of these CAN lead to any type of failure in your life. I am going to keep this as simple (short) as I can, offering some advice in bold at the end of each paragraph. I tried to make this a series of blog posts, but it messes up the flow of my acronym!
Fatigue. Fatigue is defined as 'extreme tiredness, resulting from mental or physical exertion or illness.' It also means to 'weaken'. I love how the Gospels show Jesus taking His disciples aside to 'rest a while.' When we are working beyond exhaustion and our physical, mental and emotional faculties are not rested, we become vulnerable, allowing our mind to become a ball in an intense ping-pong match. You do not think clearly. Your decision-making potential is drastically weakened and can be irrational. You aren't as strong and aware as you think you are. You are in a dangerous place. You need to rest. Sleep. Take a vacation. Take a sabbatical. Step down for a season. Laugh. Cry. Stop living life in over-drive. Sure, people admire your tenacious drive and enjoy describing your intense personality...however, they probably won't be there to help salvage your life after you crash into a wall. Call a friend and tell them how you feel and what is going on. We need all of your life, not just your best 10 to 15 years.
Anger. This is so dangerous because it opens the door to extreme bitterness, which becomes nothing less than poison running through your veins. You've been wronged, lied about, mistreated...and you are MAD ABOUT IT! Worse is when you become offended over the way loved ones have been treated and you see their pain and you cannot even do anything about it. You walk around with a chip on your shoulder and nobody really knows why. You are always in 'attack mode' and ready to pounce on someone who even resembles the one who hurt you. The Bible warns against letting the sun go down on your wrath; "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." (Ephesians 4:26) Forgiveness is the only way out of this plot from the enemy. Whoever hurt you or your loved ones, you have to let them go. Forgiveness will remove the sting of bitterness. Release the situation to the Lord and trust Him to handle it. You will know you have forgiven when the mention of the offender's name does not cause anger to swell up inside of you. If you are struggling with forgiving someone, just remember all of the things that Jesus has forgiven you of. Oh, and remember all of the people you hurt in the past.
Isolation. You know what this looks like. To isolate is to 'detach, close off, quarantine.' The Christian life is meant to be lived in community. The Bible says that 'Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire.' (Proverbs 18:1) Usually the desire of someone who isolates them-self is to be left alone. Understand that when someone is quarantined, it is to protect them or to protect others. Something is not normal, not healthy. Once all is well the quarantine lifts. If you are hiding in isolation and don't want to be around anyone, it is not normal. Sometimes situations in life can seem to lock you in a cage; in this situation however, you are the one locking yourself in a cage. The primary culprit many times is fear and hurt. You isolate yourself because you are afraid of being hurt or hurting others. Another reason you isolate yourself is because you do not TRUST anyone. You need to confront your fears and tear down the walls you have built. There is a deeper issue at work inside of you (perhaps identified in the following paragraphs) and you need to uncover it. Determine that you will not live life as a hermit. By locking yourself away you are depriving yourself of much needed relationships, and also depriving others of the blessing of your relationship. Cry out to God. Go to church and be around people. Stop believing the lies.
Loneliness. At first this may sound like the same thing as isolation, but it is a little different. Loneliness is the offspring of isolation. Loneliness is defined as 'sadness because one has no friends or company.' One of the worst things in life is to be alone. You feel like nobody wants to be around you, that you have nothing to offer, there is nothing special about you, nobody loves you, nobody wants you. Loneliness leads to depression and can inspire thoughts of suicide. You need to find a small group. You need a friend. Take a risk on somebody. You've been hurt by people? Join the club. We all have. Try again. Invite someone out for coffee until somebody says yes. Embrace the awkwardness of learning how to relate to people again. Guess what? You're going to love it.
Unhealed. A wounded animal is extremely dangerous. They will bite or attack if you try to come to close to them. They hurt when touched and will respond instinctively as a reaction. It is the same for people. When you have unhealed hurts in your life, you will lash out even at those who are trying to help you, and then hate yourself for the way you act. You can't seem to figure out what is wrong with you, and with the passing of time it only gets worse. It will affect every relationship in your life, especially those you love the most. You have to find healing. Usually it involves forgiving someone who has hurt you. Many times there are cycles of shame and guilt that try to hover over you. That is a sign you are not healed. Bathe in the Word of God and discover all He has to say about you. Speak the Word of God over your life. Ask God to reveal the source of your pain, and then forgive and release.
Rejection. Years ago Becky and I experienced devastating rejection. It was incredibly painful, as all rejection is. The effect was so strong and lasted for many years. For instance, I remember taking a team to Lower Manhattan to pass out invite cards to our church that we had planted. After splitting everyone up and sending them all off, I sneakily made my way to a nearby McDonald's and found a corner booth to sit in. I sat in that booth for a very long time, crying off and on, and did not pass out one card all day. For the life of me I could not understand what was wrong with me. Here I was, a man who at one time would stand in the back of my truck and preach fearlessly to strangers in parking lots, and yet I couldn't hand out a card to someone I'd most likely never even see again! Why? I would come to understand years later that fear of rejection was the underlying root of my struggle. I did not want one person declining (rejecting) my card. I just couldn't handle any more rejection. You know why this is so dangerous? Because it will hinder authenticity in your relationships, never allowing yourself to become truly vulnerable. Call somebody and tell them what is going on. Tell them you are hurt. Describe the fears. Bring other people into the situation and don't face it alone. Rejection will paralyze you, and you have to deal with the root cause until it lifts. Love on other people. Confront your fears.
Ego. Other words for ego are; self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect, self-image. It is rooted in selfishness. It is all about you. You desperately need to get away but you can't because you are consumed with what other people think about you. You can't handle the thought that someone may find out that you are 'not all that.' You attempt to preserve a false picture of who you hope people think you are. If you are in the clutches of sin, this becomes a horrible snare and vice. Let that ego crumble to the ground and be crushed to powder. You are operating in a form of pride. It is not about you and has never been about you. Your life is meant to be hidden in Christ. Lose yourself in Christ. Be like John the Baptist, who said, "I must decrease and He must increase."
I hope this helps someone who may be facing any of these issues. I sure suffered from many of them, but by the grace of God I have found freedom, healing, rest, community, and restoration. It is available for you today! Share if you would like, and if you want to reach out to someone but don't know who to talk to, feel free to click this 'help' link and send me a message. 'HELP'